The Authentic Man
Learn to use the IFS model to discover the authentic man inside you
Do you find yourself thinking,
“I just can’t do anything right!”
I completely understand. After my wife and I had been married for about three years, one night while shuffling around in our one-butt kitchen attempting to make dinner, she gave me instructions on how to load the fx*king dishwasher. I thought to myself, “You’re my wife, not my mother. I don’t want to be treated like a child.” Then I heard myself say, “I guess I just can’t do anything right.”
As soon as I said it, I regretted it. A part of me felt scared that I had blown my imposter cover. I had been trying to hide my agitation at feeling controlled. Another part felt relieved that I had finally said something.
Thankfully, my wife had some knowledge of “parts” and I was able to say to her, “I’m sorry. Part of me is angry and feels like you’re treating me like a child. I know how to load a dishwasher. I get that you have preferences. And, I can see that I have some stuff to look at here. Sorry that what I said surprised you. I’ve been sitting on this a while.”
In that moment, I went from nice guy to authentic man.
Does this sound familiar? What is your dishwasher story? Let me ask you…
Do you sometimes think your kindness gets taken for granted and then try to hide how resentful you feel?
Are you reluctant to express your thoughts and feelings authentically due to fear of making waves?
Do you feel like no one takes you seriously - as if you’ve become the butt of a dad joke?
If you find yourself in the "nice guy" zone, you're not alone. Many men struggle with the pressure to be the perfect people pleaser, leading to frustration and inauthentic relationships.
There is a way to break free from this cycle and connect with others on a deeper, more genuine level.
This is where The Authentic Man Group comes in. We use a powerful model called Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you understand the different parts of yourself – the nice guy, the courageous warrior, the frustrated you, the clear thinking man, the hurt little boy, and the wise and assertive adult.
In this group, I will help you to:
Uncover the source: Identify and understand the hidden parts within you
Embrace self-compassion: Uncover access to authentic confidence (unattached to achievement and performance)
Achieve Self-leadership: Understand how to own your decisions without guilt or shame
The Authentic Man Group is by invitation only. Schedule a free 30-minute discovery session to apply.
Ready to ditch the frustration and build meaningful connections?
Testimonial
“Thanks for yesterday's Intro to IFS group. I had a very fruitful post-group journaling session led by the part that feels shame for ‘breaking the rules’ with X even though the rules were not made explicit at the outset. I was tempted to ‘shake it off’ and go on to the next thing, but my parts told me there was an opportunity to follow the activation and bodily feeling of nausea about being a bad boy. So I did and healing happened. As you've underscored, IFS is an effortless and quick way to get right in there and do what needs to be done. Thank you for your guidance and facilitation that opens the possibility.”
-Dr. Brad N, San Carlos California
This group is perfect for men who are…
Willing and committed to change
Ready to look in the mirror and be responsible for their experience
Open to exploring the power of IFS for profound and lasting transformation
As your results coach, I'll guide you through the IFS process, equipping you with the tools to:
Heal past wounds and limiting beliefs.
Dissolve self-destructive patterns and build healthy coping mechanisms.
Cultivate inner peace, confidence, and self-worth.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the intention for the group?
To help men discover authentic masculinity and learn live as authentic men. To do this, I introduce participants to the IFS model and to help them:
Understand the IFS model
Recognize the influence of their parts
Detect and unblend from parts
Learn to speak for parts rather from them
Learn how to go inside to develop relationships with their parts
All of this will help the participant develop Self-leadership which, in the IFS model is the path to authenticity and so much more.
How will this group help the participants in their lives?
After a lifetime of survival strategies designed to get love, approval, and appreciation, Self-leadership will develop as participants gradually let go of these personnas and enjoy the emergence of their authentic selves.
Who is the group for?
This group is for men who are convinced that their “act” is no longer working. They realize that they don’t know how to form true connections with others and are willing to learn how to take personal responsibility for their experience of life. This group is for men who want to discover their true authentic nature so they can practice living as authentic men.
How will this be accomplished?
When your focus is primarily on your external world, the circumstances of life are in control of your inner state. By learning to direct your conscious attention inwardly you will focus on what is responsible for your experience. The IFS model helps participants focus inside on the parts that influence their thoughts, emotions, and actions. The IFS model is a compassionate approach that helps us befriend, help, and form alliances with parts so they can do what they do best - help us live our lives. Parts that get stuck in the past provide ineffective and problematic help because they are reacting to what happened in the past and are unable to respond in ways that reflect current reality. They unintentionally recreate the past until they become unburdened and updated. Once this happens, our parts can partner with us in the present moment to help us live as the best and highest versions of ourselves. The Authentic Man group coaching helps participants begin this journey of healing and personal development.
Are there prerequisites for joining the group?
Participants who are in active addiction are not appropriate for this group. If you’re not sure, let’s talk.
Each participant is asked to have a 30 minute conversation with me to determine readiness and fit for the group experience.
This is a men-only group.
What will happen in the group?
Each session is 90 minutes long. Groups meet most weeks at on the same day and time and meet from three to five times a month. Participants agree to confidentiality and other safety protocols which make it possible to experience the discomfort of trying something different.
o Sessions begin with a guided internal check-in followed by a one or two minute external check-in.
o The bulk of the session is spent in discussion, exploration, and learning.
o Sessions begin and end on time.
o Sessions end with “takeaways”
o There is no required homework but participants are provided with articles and exercises that will support their experience.
What are the commitments when joining the group?
The initial commitment is for three months. Participants are asked to provide 30-days notice if the intend to exit the group.
The initial cost is $600 for the first three months. After that, clients prepay for each month by the first day of the month at $200 per month.
When does the group start and when does it meet?
Groups will start when there are at least two registered participants.
Groups will remain open to new participants until the group size reaches 8.
There are currently 5 open seats in a group that meets on Tuesdays each week from 12:30 PM to 2:00 Pacific Time
Other details
There will be up to 8 participants in the group.
Groups will remain open to new participants until the group size reaches 8.
Completion of at least three months in this group plus a demonstration of Self-leadership qualifies the participant for a Level 2 group, Applied Parts Works.